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I hate the term ‘ugly tears!!



I hate the term ‘ugly tears!!


I really do.


I found myself looking for a descriptive term today, when I was writing about an emotional experience that I had personally experienced (see below) and the words ‘ugly cry’ popped into my head and immediately a whole ton of images came forward of movies I have seen where women describe their tears as ugly….’I am an ugly crier’ ‘don’t look at me whilst I cry as I am ugly’


When did expressing emotion become ugly and more specifically for women, because I can honestly say that I have never heard a man say that he was an ugly crier….anyway I digress as this isn’t a post about female conditioning but more about the fear we have of expressing ourselves unfiltered.


Raw emotion can be intense to experience, and if you are anything like me around 15 years ago, you will resist it every step of the way, and it would go something like this, upon feeling the emotion rising up:


Push it down.

Suck it up.

Breathe it away.

Distract yourself Steph………. Distract. Distract, for the love of god woman, DISTRACT YOURSELF.


But what I have since learned is that it is raw, intense, and powerful because it has weight behind it. Weight from years of not having the emotional maturity and intelligence to process it, because in many cases you experienced it when you were a lot younger and didn’t have the resources available to you in order to make sense of it.


When it arrives with such velocity and power it can feel safer and easier (in the moment) to access your normal coping mechanisms and ‘keep calm and carry on’…..you know, in that beautiful British way.


But what if you didn’t do that this time?

What if, Just For Today, you gave yourself permission to feel. Feel the emotions that are trying to communicate with you?


Our emotions are messengers and if we give them airtime, it can be amazing what becomes clear to us. It is like tuning into a new frequency, the more we do it, the stronger the connection and the clearer the message becomes, quicker.


You can liken it to exercising a new muscle, initially there will be some DOMS (Delayed onset muscle soreness) but if you keep doing it, the DOMS eases and you get stronger.

Apart from on your legs, the DOMS NEVER eases, just saying!  I digress again.


I heard a very poignant quote recently whilst I was retreating in Dubai:

 ‘When you create the space to be {with your emotions}, clarity emerges for you to see.’

I added in the {with your emotions} part because I feel it makes the statement more powerful and relevant in the context of this blog and my own personal experience of tidal wave emotions at the above-mentioned retreat.


I recently described these emotions in an email to my subscribers and I would love to share that with you here.


“In the blink of an eye, I felt intense emotions rising through my body and about to leak out of me. I knew what I needed to do, so I removed myself and ran (ok I walked really fast) to the sea and as soon as my feet made contact.....I cried and cried and cried. I cried for my 7-year-old self that was hurting and in need of some TLC, I held her tightly as we both began to connect and shed what was ready to be released.

Fast forward four days, I left that retreat having made some big decisions about the future of my business and living an aligned life”.


Facing old wounds, allows you to remember, and that is when the healing begins. Processing can be really hard, and it can maybe mean raw and powerful (NOT UGLY) tears, snotty noses, a feeling of being cracked open, but OH MY GOD it is so worth it. I actually think those tears are some of the most beautiful.

Facing and turning your pain into power, allows you to embrace life and live it with freedom and authenticity.


You ready? 

I am well versed in what may come as a result of change, and whilst my clients are the ones bravely facing all that they need too in order to make the changes they desire, I am guiding them on a path I have walked before and can navigate with subjectivity and with a different perspective.


Talk to me if you feel ready, I have plenty of tissues for those snotty noses 😉


Steph xx


P.S crying is not mandatory, it doesn't happen to everyone, and if it doesn't, it isn't a big deal  #JustSayin 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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